Yay! Last Post Of The Semester!

Well, UW Sheb Luce was asking for submissions, be it art, short stories, poems or what not. So I submitted a song I had published in my second book Jackie Reaper, called "Siren's Song." It was accepted and published in their literary magazine for the spring. Luce also had a reading being done at Paradigm this past Thursday. I agreed to do a reading of my song. A friend from class showed up to cheer me on. They did a good job. My first time doing a public speaking thing like this I didn't know what to expect. Some how or another I was asked if I would be the first to read! I said okay. If you remember from an earlier post I mentioned my stagefright, and this is me forcing myself to get over it. Also, since I am so bad at marketing I plugged my two books before the reading as well. So I was the first up and it seemed surreal (and I hate that word) but I was looking at the audience and even though I saw them it was like they weren't even there, like I was invisible and they just happened to be looking in my direction. My eyes scanned the crowd as I plugged my books, but I never made eye contact that I was aware of. Then I started to sing, I wasn't even really that nervous. I tried to make eye contact with the crowd, but soon lost myself in my own song and the words I was singing. Pretty soon I was just singing and I was the only one there. Just me and the words in front of me. The song done I gathered my books and went back to my seat. Enjoying the rest of the evening with my friend and the others who were doing thier own readings from their own submissions. The ice broken now, I may go to Paradigm for their open mic every third sunday of the month, and try to plug my book some more. Yay! Last post of the semester!

Video Gaming The Rule Rather Than The Exception

Video games have become a cultural norm. I remember when I was little having an Atari and playing Pitfall and Pac-Man. Later we graduated to Nintendo and playing Super Mario Bros. My mother for some odd reason loved watching me play Tetris. I think the Atari went the way of the dodo, and the Nintendo ended in the basement for a while until my daughter wanted it, and fixed what was broken on it. Flash forward to the internet and pc games and online games. My brother is very heavy into this online gaming culture. He even talked me into playing one that was free called Rappelz. It's pretty much a game where you go around and kill things in a medival fantasy setting. But the problem with these games that are free is that you have to pay for all of the good stuff! Me being a casual player I never spent a dime on an online game. My brother on the other hand has spent thousands over the years on these free games. I was playing Rappelz infrequently up until a few months ago when my mediocre account got hacked and someone stole the things I had worked so hard to achieve over the last four or five years. My son logged into his account and found the same thing had happened to him. I was upset, but not really as it was just a time waster, and I wasn't playing all that much anyways. I wonder if my brothers account got hacked, since he had a ton more stuff that he payed money for. So now my friend has introduced me to a game called League Of Legends, that I've played a bunch of times in the last few weeks. But I've never been a big video game fan, they are too addicting, and people waste so much time staring at a monitor or a tv screen instead of going out and enjoying life. Video games should be an infrequent entertainment, like going to the movies or a sports event. Video games have become a cultural rule rather than the exception. But after publishing this I may waste some time on League Of Legends.

Emotionally Atrophied

I've sat down four times today to try and write this, and I stared at the abyss and the abyss stared back at me. I really don't feel like writing about my love life or lack thereof. But I suppose I could try. I believe I mentioned in an earlier post about my shyness, I think it was the one about self-publishing, regardless; I grew up from the little shy boy into a tall shy man. I never dated in high school. I had crush on this girl in the fifth grade, and I only worked up the nerve to ask her out in eleventh grade. I'm not sure why it is so hard for me to talk to women. I guess I don't feel comfortable in my own skin. It took me several months of being friends with my ex-wife before I finally asked her out. After my divorce I dated sporadically, nothing really lasting longer than a year or so. So here I am in my thirties trying to do the dating I should've done in my teens and twenties. But I'm still that shy little boy in a grownups body. But I try to learn from my mistakes. I've encouraged my kids to date in their teens. My daughter has taken quicker to it than my son, but that's because he's a big softy like me. I also encourage my kids to wait until they are in thier late twenties or early thirties before having children. So many teens and twenty-somethings are having kids not realizing how much thier lives are going to change for the next eighteen years or longer. How many people want to get divorced? Not many, but they do, sometimes multiple times. How many people want a marriage like thier parents? Not many want that either, but they do. I would've thought by now that I would've had the typical American family, found someone and remarried, but no. Now I have this overwhelmingly irrational fear that I am going to grow old and alone like my mother, eventually to die alone as she did. Isn't that just about the saddest thing you've ever heard. Then again some people enjoy being alone, but I am not one of them.

Life According To An EKG

It's kind of hard to think of something to write about. Do I write about something positive or something negative? Well, since I don't think I should write about things better told to a therapist, I guess I will share a theory of mine on life. Which as it happens deals with both positive and negative. Life is most often referred to as a road that we travel with different paths and forks to take, the experiences learned along the way equals the person we are today, or in that particular moment, as life is constantly in motion. But I like to think of life as an EKG. The "flat line" is our path in life, same as the road in the above expression. The pulse of the EKG is our highs and lows, our happiness and our sadness, the roller coaster at Great America and the day a loved one died; our experiences. Now one of our experiences may take us so far away from the "flat line" that it becomes a completely different path in life. Let us say for example someone who abuses drugs. Thier EKG dips so low in addiction that now they are no longer the person they were on the original "flat line" and they may never climb back up to the person they were supposed to be, and this new "flat line" will have it's own ups and downs. Conversely someone may take a vacation to Europe and love the country and lifestyle so much they move there away from friends, family and other loved ones, and now they are on a completely different "flatline" with it's own EKG ups and downs. Ever have a day where things just seem to go right? Like life is flowing and you're right where you need to be. Then you have those days where life is throwing you curve after curve and you just want to go home and start over, or realign yourself with the "flatline". Of course this is just my own little theory, the way I like to look at life according to an EKG.

A Very Merry Unbirthday

My birthday is coming up on Monday and it gets me thinking about my life and how I perceive birthdays in general. Growing up my mother never really threw me any birthday parties, I'm not really sure why. I remember her making a cake and giving my presents, but that is about all. That carried over into my fatherhood, somewhat. When the children were young I would have a little get-together, inviting over family and my close friends for a lunch with an ice cream cake from Dairy Queen. But as they got older that went away. Conversely, as the kids got older my Ex would throw your typical party inviting the kids friends over for more of an evening dinner with cake. She would really go all out. I remember once throwing that typical party for myself after my divorce almost ten years ago, inviting friends over, drinking, eating, loud music. But I've never done it since. I'm not sure why. Is it just that as I've gotten older that the celebration no longer appeals to me the way it would and does for others? But then again, didn't I say that the celebration was never really a part of my life to begin with. I guess I've always been introverted like that. I almost envy those that had that experience growing up, and how it can carry over into adulthood, going out for a night on the town to celebrate. So now I wonder how will my children celebrate thier own birthdays as they grow into adulthood, as well as how they will celebrate thier own children's birthday's. Will they take a more introverted approach as I have, or will they be more extroverted and invite friends and family over, or go out for a night on the town? Oh well, until Monday, a very merry unbirthday to me and to you.

What Easter Means To Me

Every year I go up north to visit family for Easter. It's where my mother was from and a lot of my aunts, uncles, cousins, and my grandmother still live there. Also it's where my mother is buried. She passed away on April 4th, so it's easy to remember that she passed around Easter.  I also visit up north in the fall in late September or early October as that is when her birthday is. It's also interesting to note that my mother passed from ovarian cancer, and that if she hadn't died when she did, a lot more of my relatives may have died. After describing the lump in her belly to her sister (my aunt), my aunt found a smaller lump in the same area. My aunt got tested and sure enough it was cancer, and went through surgery and chemo. My cousin got tested as well, and when hers came back positive she when one step further and had a test done to isolate the gene, she was young enough that there was no lump and just had her ovaries removed. So this cancer was genetic. So far most of the family has gotten tested, and the chance of having this cancer gene is 50/50. Last year I finally got tested, two years after my mom's passing. And I'm fine; my chances of having cancer are the same as that of the average person. But what my mother's passing did, if not save half the family from a potential cancer gene, she also brought me back to my loved ones up north. I had been neglecting to go up and visit them for ten to fifteen years, only for special occasions like say a wedding, or a funeral as when my grandfather passed. But there is so much that I have missed not visiting them for so long, there are other cousins that have moved away and I may never see again, my cousins children that I may never know, so now I make it a habit to go up twice a year. 

The Walking Dead

I wonder how many of you enjoy the tv series The Walking Dead. I also wonder how many of you knew it started out as a comic book. I don't really watch tv at my house, only at friends or relatives houses. When The Walking Dead became a tv series my daughter was very excited about it as she reads the comics along with me. But after the first season she kind of gave up on it, prefering the comic to the tv series (yay for reading!) But I told her it was going to be different and that you had to keep the two seperate, and enjoy each individually. I enjoy talking with a coworker of mine who really enjoys the tv series, and I always compare it to the comic books and what happened in the comics was different than the tv and vice versa. I've only rented the first season, so all I know of the second season was from what my coworker said. But did you know that in the comics Rick's son Carl killed Shane before they left Atlanta, not out at the farm like in the tv series, and not because he was a zombie either. In the comics, when they found out that if you die normally you come back as a zombie, Rick left the group to go back to Atlanta and dig up Shane where they had buried him. Rick sees Shane as a zombie and cuts off his head. In the third season of the tv series I'm guessing they get to the prison as that was the last image of the second season (acording to my coworker). All I can say is, don't get too attached to Lori and her new born, but then again, like I told my daughter, you have to keep the comics and the tv seperate, maybe they'll survive the attack by the Governor, but then again, maybe not. And Michonne is deadly with that sword, I wonder how true they will stay to the comics and at least hint off screen at what the Governor does to her, and if they do that then they would have to at least hint off screen what she does to the Governor, but that might be too graphic. And I also have to wonder if they'll put into the tv series what the Governor does to Rick. I don't mind being a season behind, patience is a virtue I keep telling myself. So by the time I've seen the second season, the third season should probably be close to airing. Enjoy!

The Fringe Benefits Of Being A Lead

So, my job decided to promote me kind of into the lead position they had passed me over for earlier that I had mentioned in my first post about going back to school. My supervisor being the kind of guy that he is, gave me a sink or swim on the computer aspect of the job; ordering Master Production Records, ordering temporary employees, opening and closing the shop floor order, and taking care of the production report. It's a good thing I'm a fast learner and took plenty of notes and had support from the third shift supervisor who would stay over late (he does anyway to talk to this one girl on the line) and from the second shift supervisor who would come in early to help me out with any questions I might have had. I must say though that being a supervisor, or lead as it were, in my department is very boring. There is about a total of an hours worth of work that needs to be split up throughout the day. Include with that a half hour lunch and I have six and a half hours of fuck off time I need to kill. Now I understand why the supervisor is hardly ever in the room and he's always somewhere else talking to other supervisors or whomever. I kind of tried to do the same thing, but because of my own personal work ethic I find it hard to go into another department and bullshit with others distracting them from thier own job. Maybe my supervisor talks to others who have the same amount of fuck off time as he does and it doesn't interfere with job productivity. But those are the people that he knows. The people that I know work on the line and don't have that luxury. So my first week went well, a few curveballs were thrown my way that I feel I handled fairly. I have one more week to go before my supervisor is back from vacation. Ah, the fringe benefits of being a lead.

Not All Comicbook Movies Require Spandex

So how many of you are enjoying the last decade of comicbook movies? Comicbooks have come to the big screen before that, sure, but few and far between and mainly DC's Superman and Batman. It really started to snowball with Spider-man and X-Men. Then with Ironman and Batman (again). Now it seems each year they throw two or three comicbook movies at us Thor, Captain America, and Green Lantern hit us last year, and Avengers and the third Batman movie are slated to hit us this year. But I don't want to talk about those kind of comicbook movies. I want to talk about the comicbook movies you may not have known were comicbooks. The first successful of these non-traditional superhero comicbook movies in the last few years would have to have been the movie 300. 300 Spartans versus the entire Persian army. I love that movie. Another was the vampire movie 30 Days of Night, where the entire town of Barrow Alaska is overrun by the bloodsuckers. Another successful comicbook movie was Sin City, depicting a few of those stories in one movie. Did you know that the movie Red featuring Bruce Willis was based on a comic? The comic is awesome by the way, but completely different from the movie, you gotta keep them seperated (Offspring reference). Another Bruce Willis staring comicbook movie was The Surrogates, I still need to get that one on dvd. Not to say any or all comicbook movies are good, to each their own. I remember reading The League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen and then couldn't believe the crap they made into a motion picture. If any of what I've written inspires you to read the comicbook version, do yourselves a favor and read The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, they're collected into volumes one and two and are brilliant. So hopefully I've showed you that not all comicbook movies require spandex.

Might As Well Be On Mars

I've always been fascinated by Mars and astronomy in general. I particularly enjoy reading stories about outer space, particularly those that were written around the turn of the twentieth century. Edgar Allen Poe had written a short story about taking a hot air balloon to the moon. A favorite author of mine E. E. "Doc" Smith wrote a space opera back in the 30's and 40's collected currently as Chronicles of the Lensmen, which last I heard they may be making into a film. Yesterday I went to see John Carter with my daughter and brother. I find it fascinating that these stories by Edgar Rice Burroughs were written so long ago when we new absolutely nothing about Mars. I have yet to read them meself, but now after seeing the movie, it may inspire me to sit down and enjoy them. Being a novice writer myself I have my own Mars story plotted out but have yet to take the time to finish writing it. I like other movies based on Mars as well. My first memory is of the movie Total Recall. There have been a few others since, but none really captured the same feeling of Mars like that one. Until John Carter came out. It takes a different approach to the story. Instead of colonizing Mars like in Total Recall or in space trips to Mars like in the other few that come to mind. John Carter goes with the theme that a civilization is already on Mars, having evolved similar to our own. Their are humans on Mars but also four-armed green men. You could generalize the genre as almost a western on Mars, but their are flying ships in it as well. What I found truly fascinating about the movie was the fact that John Carter has almost super-human powers, because of the difference in gravity between Earth and Mars John Carter is stronger and more agile and able to leap for almost a quarter mile or so. It was entertaining seeing  the character adjust to this new-found gravity as every step he took made him fly dozens of yards through the air. I see a franchise coming from this John Carter movie and expect another movie to hit theaters in a few years as Edgar Rice Burroughs wrote several stories featuring the characters.

I'll leave you with a favorite song by Alice Cooper "Might as well be on Mars http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GCmBb1JSr4c

Body Canvas, Art or Graffiti?

My daughter got half her head shaved today. No, I don't mind it at all. I think it looks awesome. I encourage her to express herself. Although the things she chooses to express herself with are not what  I would do. She has her ears gauged, and she dyes her hair every once in awhile. I find it different from how I expressed myself when I was her age. I was writing a drawing to get out the feelings inside, although some things shouldn't have been let out. If I were to do now what I did back then I would've been suspended and/or sent to seek counseling. The only thing that has me concerned about my daughters expressionism is that she wants to get a tattoo, and that is such a permanent thing. I know you can get tattoos removed but that costs even more money. I only just got my first tattoo last year, and yeah I'd like to get more, but not impulsively. These kinds of things need to take much more careful consideration. A young man might want to get a tattoo of skulls and such. But fast forward ten years, twenty years, do you still feel the same as you did? Is it something that you're still going to be proud of? My daughter has all of these wild ideas for tattoos, but it makes me take a step back and look at the big picture. Is this something that is going to have relevance later on in life? Yes, the body can be a canvas, but the picture will always be the same. Is this a perceived timeless piece of artwork, or a spur of the moment act of graffiti? Although I must add that some people get "safe" tattoos; the butterfly, or the frog, or the name of a loved one that has passed. A tattoo with significance. What about you? What kind of tattoo would you get? Or are tattoos not your thing and you are happy with how you look?

Prostituting Myself, Metaphorically Speaking

You may remember the first day of class; Azor asked all of us to introduce ourselves. How annoying is that? Talking about yourself to a dozen or so complete strangers. Needless to say I was very nervous about it. I always was, I have stagefright, but am getting over it by forcing myself to do things that put me in the spotlight. For instance, I've sang karaoke three times, granted it took me a few drinks of courage but I did it, and I enjoyed it. But I'm getting off topic. But it is also relevant. You may remember me saying the thing about myself was that I self published two books Liquid Dreams: April 2051 http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss/180-4638960-9558406?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=Liquid+Dreams%3A+April+2051 and Jackie Reaper http://www.amazon.com/Jackie-Reaper-Donald-Jensen/dp/1607498731/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1330188374&sr=8-1 . Self Publishing is actually quite easy. At first the few Print-On-Demand publishers I checked out wanted several hundred dollars up front. Which of course I didn't have, and I doubt most of us do. But then I found Publish America http://www.publishamerica.com/ , they wanted no money up front, they make their money on the back end, from your sales. What does that mean? It means they will publish your book; you buy copies and try to sell them. My first book I only sold about 40-45 copies, my second book I've only sold maybe 10 or so because I'm not allowed to sell at work anymore since it's not a not-for-profit. This is actually discouraging to an extant. I've got a third book ready to go, but haven't bothered to publish it yet. Why? Because it's hard to sell them. Like I said earlier, self publishing is easy; it's the selling that's hard. You can of course sell to friends and family, and that's about 10 books or so (my second book) but going up to strangers and asking them to spend $15 on one of your books is another matter all together. Maybe I need a few drinks of courage, I don't know. Having friends and family help you is a great way of selling, before my mom passed, she helped me sell a lot, plus the copies I sold at work (my first book). But what you may fail to realize is that people aren't buying your book, they are buying you. So if you can't sell yourself, be a salesman (or woman), you aren't going to sell that many copies. But if you do have the touch that allows you to sell ice cubes to Eskimos, as a friend once said to me, then you're on your way to a decent writing and publishing career. But as for me, I'm not very good at prostituting myself, metaphorically speaking.

If you think you may be interested in buying one of my books for $15, I keep a few in my car. Talk to me before or after class.

The musical chairs

If you would have seen me 10 years ago with my long hair and my heavy metal t-shirts, you could interpret that I was a metal head, and in part you would be correct. I do like metal. But I also like 80's hair, industrial, easy listening, some rap, a handful of country, and some classical when the mood strikes me. Alphabetically, American Head Charge http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vQjvVjU1fFI is right next Tori Amos http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3uho2NQw1GY , Earshot  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AA5cYjpmRS8&ob=av2e is right next to Enya http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jl8iYAo90pE&ob=av2n , Marilyn Manson http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ybaiCgOFUQ is next to Sarah Mclachlin http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ucdnm8iU-5c is next to Meatloaf http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1fAPEUWowEc , you get the idea. But my motivation for writing all of this is to open your own mind to new music. Take the radio for example, I used to listen to 106.5 WHBZ for the rock and metal, but then my kids tuned me into 104.5 WXER where I found Beyonce's "Halo"  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dC06CMBQLM0 and Katy Perry's "E.T." "http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bh63nfmb3p0 amongst others. My brother listens to country and while driving around with him I found Jamey Johnson "High Cost Of Living" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MiMdb2MnYr8 . The only rap I own is Nelly http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2hc6vZVylX8 , but I'm slowly expanding that by listening to 103.7 KISS but some of that dance music is sooo annoying. I love discovering new music, it was strange how I found Neon Hitch   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qH0GBJEzbgw , I was watching The Lonely Island http://www.thelonelyisland.com/video/the-shooting-aka-Dear-sister and was intrigued by the whole "Mmm whatcha say" so I did a search on youtube for it, and came up with Jason Derulo http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pBI3lc18k8Q but found in the comments that he sampled it from someone. Someone inaccurately said it was Neon Hitch when in fact it was Imogen Heap http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4OLQB7ON9w . Another band I accidentally found was Psychostick http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fMrXMjxB6wk while looking for lyrics for a Marilyn Manson song. I mean how can you not listen at least once to a song called "This Is Not A Song, It's A Sandwich." Besides the above links I will share with you a few select songs from a few of my fave bands, Type O Negative http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xD5No_JRrZw&ob=av2n , Mushroomhead http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nghUCS6zqIE and Devin Townsend whose musical tastes are as diverse as my own with his heavy metal band Strapping Young Lad http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-aOy7bEkbCU , his rock/pop cd's http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Z_UJ0_biJw , and his easy listening stuff http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WRVlVhX_Ud8 . That is enough of my musical chairs.

Back to school sale

I can't believe I'm doing this. If you would've told me a year ago that I'd be going back to school this spring, I would've told you flat out that it would never happen. I wasn't happy with my life but I was content. But two of my close friends were going back to school and they kept saying that I should go. At least take one class and see if you like it. Then two of the last women I dated were also going back to school. And then a third friend - from the ever present facebook - said they wanted to go back to school as well. And I'm like wtf! Add into the mix that I got passed up for a promotion at work, and I'm like wtf again! So I'm going back to school, because somehow I am no longer content with my life and the way it was going. Even if I stay at the same job I will at least be able to say I graduated, although given my full time working status could take me about five or six years for a two-year associates degree. At which point I'll probably be then going for my bachelors, spending possibly another five or six years. But now I get "it". What my friends were trying to tell me, what the last two girlfriends had going on, and the third friend from facebook was excited about. Getting an education. Nothing is wrong with getting an education, and I'll add myself to the list of people telling others to go back to school. Telling them to just try it. Take one class and see if you like it. Well, for me, that one class turned into two, and is slowly turning into a degree. And that my friends is my back to school sale.

The test

This is a test of the emergency blogcast system. ERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pQ5kCp8MbBE

Had this been an actual emergency you would have been notified to place your head between your legs and kiss your ass goodbye.